Bubu Bulletin!

Read here

“Is severely hooked on histrionics.”

*insert Jeopardy theme*

“Who is _______________?”

Don’t bother counting the blanks because they don’t stand for any letters!

I’ve always been a little deaf (due to my sinus and allergy problems), but now I know what it’s like to be rendered mute.

Imagine having to do all these tasks with that handicap (and how I coped with each one):

1. Shopping - some tags have all the size letters shown on them. This is a godsend. You just point to the size you want. After trying it on, shaking your head means you don’t like it. Otherwise, you just take it to the cash register. When the checkout person talks to you, most likely it will be the cost of the item you’re buying, and whether you want a bag for it. Hand over the money and nod or shake your head, respectively.

2. Eating out - look for a place with pictures on the menu and English descriptions (one or the other is good enough). If the menu has English descriptions, you might find some gems like “Bacteria with fish” and “Stir-fried wikipedia”. You can try ordering the “wikipedia” to see if it will make you smarter, but I would stay away from the “bacteria”. At the end of the meal, the gesture of signing in the air with an invisible pen to ask for the check will be understood by your waitress.

3. Taking a cab - Now it gets tricky. Google maps will be your best friend. And even then, only barely. Keep in mind that cab drivers will be most familiar with touristy places, big malls, and subway stations. If you are going to a place other than those mentioned, look it up in Google maps and ask your cab driver to take you to the landmark nearest your destination. Take a pic of the map with a digital camera so that you can show it to the driver if needed. The great thing here is that you can take a pic of a pretty large area, then you can zoom in and out to show the vicinity (this will only work on one taken from a computer monitor). If you still want him to take you to your exact destination and you do know how to get there (and you’re feeling adventurous), hand gestures are the way to go. Lucky for you, in this part of the world, no one will mistake them for gang signals. You will arrive alive.

Also, tipping is not expected anywhere.

I bought this bottled drink a few days ago. There’s a date stamped on it: 2008 05 04, but it doesn’t say if it’s the date or manufacture or expiry.

It’s a life or death situation, folks.

Should I drink it or not?

Voting will end on October 18, 2008. But knowing how stingy I am, I will probably drink it anyway.

Dear Management of Various Commercial Establishments,

Yes, I agree that pumping the soap dispenser more than necessary is a douchebag-ey act on the customer’s part. But when you water down the soap beyond the point of it making any recognizable lather, I am forced to pump more than necessary. My end goal being foamy lather, I will pump out the entire contents of the dispenser if I have to.

Signed,
Your Friendly Neighborhood Customer

http://www.bodiestheexhibition.com/

Though that Abercrombie model on the billboard may have been beckoning to me with his juicy pecs, the Bodies "models" have been beckoning to me with even juicier meat. Ever wonder what muscles really look like? Chicken. Your digestive system? Isaw.  Sorry, I was hungry.

The greatest thing about this exhibit is that you get to see for yourself all the things that you only hear about or see in illustrations and documentaries. And one of the great things here is that you get to do that without the stench of formaldehyde trying to kill you (they have a special way of impregnating the bodies with a special polymer that preserves the tissue and keeps it flexible). Even those in the medical field are amazed, because while they get to see and operate on live bodies and cadavers, there are certain parts of the exhibit that highlight just how amazing the human body is (see: the Circulation Room).

Another highlight is the teratoma, but it’s a small display so you have to watch out or you might miss it. It looks like a clay bowl haphazardly filled with hair and teeth, which, if it were a prop, isn’t particularly impressive, but when you realize that THAT grew inside someone’s body in its neat little capsule (randomly creating hair and teeth inside!), it is both HORRIFYING and fascinating.

All in all, I give this 5 stars!

This exhibit may not be for everyone though. It’s certainly not for the squeamish, and there will definitely be some who will be easily offended/indignant for the people who were once living, breathing, and occupying these bodies. The exhibit owner has a statement about that on their website, which you should definitely read before buying tickets. But before you wave the whole thing off, I suggest that you keep an open mind as the exhibit is well-set up, with the muted lighting and quietness making for an atmosphere that is quite respectful to the (former) owners of the bodies. However, I have to admit that I could not refrain from making whispered references to chicken, chicharon bulaklak, or Hannibal Lecter. But that’s my fault (for not eating breakfast), not theirs. So go see it!

http://indexed.blogspot.com/2008/03/emperors-new-suit-was-expensive.html

To all the chismosos and chismosas who have been trying to meddle in my life:

Good intentions or not, you can all congratulate yourselves now.

I hope you’re all f*cking happy.

I sure am not.

You’ve all been ganging up on me since day one.

You’re probably all imagining this to be an intervention of some sort.

Well, f*ck, that’s what happens when there’s nothing much going on in your lives. Or rather, your lives are even more screwed up than mine, yet you want to "fix" me.

This is what I get for not hurting anyone, for not doing drugs (gosh, not even alcohol because I recently developed an intolerance for it), for wanting to be in a work environment that values me and what I bring to it.

You all have "Life Dysmorphic Disorder".

I just wanted to be left in peace.

But I just got the call equal to the call the President gets to inform him that aliens are on their way to destroy the earth.

Well, an alien did land on planet earth. An alien who can f*cking wield the powers of the Dark Side through the AT&T network to get me to hurt myself. Because really, that is the only way to get through the experience.

*screams into pillow yet again*

"Give me some of that St. John’s wort!!!"

The History of the Burgis was published in 1987, and while this list was true back then, a lot has changed. Most people may not agree with me in saying that we are improving. Take note that we haven’t had much time to find ourselves since we’ve been occupied, and the media and the politicians aren’t exactly helping.

Let us assess (comments in bold type are mine):

"The Americanization of Pepe and Pilar (peddled as modernization) transformed consumption habits towards a preference for US products, or for that matter, anything imported. It re-oriented Filipino aspirations towards the American way of life. Some symptoms of colonial mentality:

    * a bowl of plastic apples, grapes and pears on the dining room buffet

I don’t think this is still in, but… may plastic bananas na! To deny claims of colonial mentality, someone should start making plastic mangoes and… duhat for grapes?

    * an imitation Louis Vuitton bag and Gloria Vanderbilt jeans

Gloria Vanderbilt jeans? My lola’s jeans? They are long gone (they’re probably cut in mom-jeans style). But LV mania is still ongoing. Ack. And watch out for the new craze, Goyard bags, aka Metrobank giveaway bags. (The description came from a good friend, and I laughed so hard because it’s dead on.)

    * plastic evergreen trees laden with absorbent cotton-’snow’ for Christmas

Well, no one can beat the forces of Hallmark and the Catholic Church. Hold the fake snow! Manila is dusty anyway.

    * the log cabin steakhouse

I don’t know why, but apparently, a log cabin interior still seems to be the best environment in which to refill the beef cemetery in my stomach. Why, steakhouse owners, why?

    * Broadway plays emoted in a studied New York cum British accent

Colonial mentality or not, I can’t go against this. Tama ba naman na Mimi of Rent sings with a Bisaya accent?!

    * the search for local counterparts to Hollywood stars or the rise and fall of Diomedes Maturan as the Perry Como of the Philippines

Diomedes Maturan? Perry Como? Well, I… I guess I’m not that old yet. But yes, the Philippines is always on the lookout for the next Shauna Sands or Holly Madison. Blech.

    * always saying ‘ang sarap parang mansanas!’

It could be just me, but I never found apples that good. Sometimes after eating one, I get a feeling like my teeth and gums have been scraped with a dense sponge. It’s weird. They’re expensive anyway!

    * getting a nose lift and a bust lift

Apparently, Dr. Vicky Belo owes her fortune to colonial mentality. Young boy-toys can be equally grateful too.

Kidding and allusions aside, it’s great that the definition of beauty has expanded to include more Asian features (chinky eyes, round noses, etc.).

    * carpets and upholstered sofas copied from Better Homes and Gardens (for the dust and heat of the tropics)

Hail to silohiya!

    * shopping trips to Cash and Carry (and Dau and nepo Mart) for PX goods

Cash and Carry is still the bomb, but for different reasons. They have the most reasonable prices out there. Most of the PX stores are gone now. I have no idea where Nepo Mart is, though.

    * putting an American (or Japanese) brand name on a local product so that it will sell

Ack. This is gigantic proof that we are mired in colonial mentality. How about all those mid-range condos with names like "Manhattan (ek-ek)", "(A UK University)", etc.? But I applaud Rockwell for naming their buildings after Philippines painters. Same for the Ayalas with some of their new developments. But notice how those are aimed at the top of the price range. It seems like the developers are telling us "Sige, maski mid-to-low-range ito, pag bumili ka sosy ka na." How aspirational!

    * following the dictates of fashion magazines through spring, summer, fall and winter (thank God, the air gets cooler around December)

Thank god for lower quality clothes from China and Thailand. Low quality equates to thinner fabrics = better thermal comfort. Down with brand names with thick, luxurious fabrics! That are dry clean only. Haha.

    * dyeing one’s hair with auburn streaks

For that coveted kanto boy look.

    * insisting that the maid speak to the baby in English

This is sort of sad. If you trust that your child is smart enough, he/she will be smart enough to be fluent in both Filipino and English. Also, if you are going to speak to your child in English only, make sure you are passing on perfect grammar.

    * preferring to be an American citizen (Hodel survey 1960) or wanting to have been born in another country (UP survey of schoolchildren)

Despite my love for my country, I entertain this thought a lot. But most likely, my career (and lack of growth and equality in that industry) may have a lot to do with it! Perhaps I should have been an eventologist instead.

    * hoping the US will intervene in ousting a homegrown dictator"

I think these hopes have been long abandoned. Let me quote Samantha Jones, "If you pull one, five more will come to its funeral." What may have been for white hair down there, can also describe the mad rush for government positions. After all, the US weighs the ROI against the costs of getting involved. Having to keep uprooting garden gnomes without significant pay wouldn’t make sense to them. Simply put, WE. DON’T. HAVE. OIL. (Not enough to merit that whole shebang, anyway.)

Ouch. I set out to try to prove that we’ve dug ourselves out of the Pit of Colonial Mentality, but it seems like we’re still in it. Hopefully, we’re halfway out of it though! On the other hand, this says more about me than the Filipino people as a whole. So try this list on for size, and see if it applies to you, dear reader.

Do you have an Underminer in your life? 

http://www.theunderminer.com/

I haven’t read the book yet, but I have one in my life who fits the description nearly perfectly.

Particularly, this paragraph:

"The Underminer.
Somehow,
he swerves in and out of your life as if he were effortlessly walking
through a crowded restaurant. You try acting aloof, deleting his
emails, erasing his number from your cell, but nothing can stop him. He
always comes back. He knows everyone you know—and acts extremely chummy
with your closest pals and at least two of your ex-boyfriends. In fact,
everyone but you loves…"

Avant

^That, is an an example of greenwashing.

I guess I should be happy enough that building "green" is catching on enough that there is an actual green bandwagon that developers are jumping on. However, doesn’t it defeat the purpose when the green features they boast of are nothing more than a few green spaces scattered about? (Oh yeah, and the "heat-reflective windows", which should be standard for most metropolitan monstrosities anyway.) Also, there are times when the resources used for the upkeep of such "green features" more than outweigh any benefits gained. Where are the recycled material content, the link to public transportation, etc.? I know I’m pulling this off LEED, and that LEED isn’t perfect, but at least LEED covers a building’s environmental impact from its construction to the lifestyles of its end-users.

I probably have no business butting in on how they planned the whole thing. (As I’m not going to be a buyer anyway hahaha.) But this upsets me because I’m still wishing and hoping for a cleaner, greener Manila (and beyond). And if this is how they think it’s gonna happen, well, it’s not gonna.

To those who can prove me wrong, can you send me data? I’m just… interested. Same goes for any information on The Fort’s zoning laws and building codes. On another side note, they need to oversee the design of the buildings being constructed there. It makes a big impact on the entire feel of the place. Somehow I fear that The Fort will just be another testament to the Halo-halo aesthetic of the typical Pinoy. Yes it can be pulled off, but it takes serious skillz, yo. The untalented need not attempt it. "Gusto ko parang ganito *pointing to this magazine or that*". Just like that. No sensitivity to the history or overall feel of the area.

But I’m still holding out for the day that Old Manila makes a green, acrhitecturally-preserved comeback. It needs work as badly as an aging socialite. Calling my favorite, Dra. Vicky Belo, yoohoo!